I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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