He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
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