1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
