if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
