like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
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