I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
