i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
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