I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
