Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
