I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Randomize
