how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
