:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Randomize
