he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
