Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
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