so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
