I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
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