i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I love having hate sex.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
You're like the curious george of whores
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
