sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Randomize
