we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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