it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
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