Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Randomize
