get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
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