imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
Randomize
