I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
