i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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