Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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