Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
