That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Randomize
