Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Dignity is for republicans.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Randomize
