Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Randomize
