Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
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