he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
