I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
