sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
