So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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