if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
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