any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
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