At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
