Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Acid is not a monday night drug
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Randomize
