It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
