The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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