ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
