Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
