I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
