We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
