I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
