i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
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