who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
