Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
