I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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