Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Randomize
