tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Everyone says I win the strip club
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Randomize
