My liver just broke up with me...
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
